I’ve been thinking recently about the sacrifices that come with living and working abroad. There are financial sacrifices, which include all the regular expenses of moving house (rent and deposits) along with flights and the administration fees to legally register (€13 just to stamp a form? Seriously?). Throw in shipping costs or visas – which luckily my boyfriend & I haven’t had to shell out for – and the price of moving really rises. Many people working overseas have freelance contracts or are self-employed. These contracts provide autonomy, flexibility & freedom but there is a lot of insecurity; no sick leave, no holiday leave and no health insurance or pension contributions from your employer.
Today I’d also like to share some emotional sacrifices you might have to make:
When you live in another country away from your family, your closest friends, your childhood friends, your former colleagues…. you miss out on stuff. It is unavoidable and inevitable. Technology has made it easier than ever to keep in touch. You can email, Skype, Whatsapp call, Whatsapp chat, send Snapchats or share photos through Facebook and Instagram but you still miss out. You miss birthdays. You miss dinners. You miss the celebration of promotions, engagements, pregnancies and PhDs. You miss coffee dates. You miss picnics. You miss post-work drinks. You miss cinema trips and DVD marathons. You miss the nights when everyone gets dressed up and goes ‘out out’. You miss hen parties and stag dos. You miss weddings. It’s not that you can’t go to everything you are invited to – but there are major costs involved. We all know that attending a wedding often means paying for hotels, transport, a wedding gift, often a new outfit or at least new accessories. Add onto that paying for return flights and using some of your limited annual leave (or losing some days’ pay if you are a freelancer)…..you have to prioritise who and what you say yes to, and as a result, you miss out on a lot.
You miss out on the day-to-day conversations. Whereas in the past I’d see some friends at least once or twice a week, go to lectures together, have lunch together, spend our working days together, now our friendships and the way we communicate have changed. When we speak, our updates become vague and non-specific.
“How have you been?”
“Good thanks. Busy! You?”
“Same. How’s work?”
“Good thanks, you?”
“Yeah, not bad. What have you been up to lately?”
….and so we sum up everything we’ve done recently into short, bullet-point style summaries. I don’t share the details; what made the good days good….or the bad days stressful, upsetting or irritating. Often we don’t share how we really are, what’s going well for us, what we’re struggling with….
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When my boyfriend and I moved to Hamburg, we found it particularly difficult to find a suitable apartment (as described in a previous post.). In Germany, it is common to buy furniture and everything else you need for an apartment, then take it with you whenever you move. So, many apartments are left unfurnished and shipping companies make a fortune helping everyone transport double beds and fridges around the city! This practice….really doesn’t work for us. We have no furniture. We have no household equipment. We don’t even have our own bed linen, towels or clothes hangers! We have suitcases, a limited number of clothes, our computers, external hard drives crammed with music, films and TV programmes, some accessories and…that’s it. It feels quite strange to reflect on how few material possessions we have. Although we have more clothes in storage at our families’ houses, along with some books and DVDs, we have very little compared to other people we know.
Many of my friends and acquaintances are homeowners or long-term renters who have really invested in where they live. Whereas I eat my dinner off plates that have been used by countless anonymous renters before me, my friends hand-picked what they eat from, what they cook with, what they sleep on and what they decorate their walls with. Whereas I rent an apartment, they have a home. Of course we could invest in beautiful paintings or expensive Egyptian cotton sheets or lug a beautiful tea set from place to place, from country to country, but it seems terribly impractical and unnecessarily expensive when we can just use what our landlord provides. However, when you own very, very little in the apartment you live in, it does prevent you from truly settling in and feeling at home. You feel like a house-sitter, someone temporarily occupying the space before you move onto the next place. Which is true – that’s exactly what you are – but it is not a comforting feeling.
My boyfriend and I often refer to a future time, when we have our own house which we can fill with everything that we currently lack (obviously money is no object in our fantasy!). I dream of decorating my home with memories of my travels and adventures – with maps, with photos, with some of my favourite quotes and sayings. For now, it is just a dream. Something we could have, but it would come at a price. We would have to give up the lifestyle we have chosen, the excitement and enjoyment of choosing a new place to live, of immersing ourselves in a foreign culture, of meeting like-minded people, of exploring different countries from the inside, of learning new languages and opening our minds further. And that is just too high a price to pay…..
Ciao for now
The Curious Sparrow
The Curious Sparrow 
Loved this post! I had thought of some of these things, but not others. Really good points.
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Thanks 😊😊
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Jared and I also talk about your future home and I dream about how I would decorate it more than him with trinkets of Italy here and there to remind us of the life we’ve spent here. I can imagine finding housing in Hamburg is not easy and we would have the same problem as we would need to find a furnished place anywhere we look. Luckily the room we rent in Rome right now is in the house of a family so we have everything we need as far as kitchen appliances, furniture, etc. etc. Did you ever rent a room in Rome or did you always have your own place?
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It does take time and perseverance but we have found a good furnished apartment here – finally 😉
I rented a room in Rome before Ian moved out to join me (so for 3 months) but the apartment we shared was furnished and had everything! We got lucky 😊
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I didn’t know you lived in Rome without Ian for the first 3 months. Well, I’m happy that you guys are settling down there now with a new, furnished, place. Looking forward for to more updates!
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Yes it was very strange and we missed each other lots! It did push me to go out and meet new people immediately as otherwise I would have spent all my free time alone without my usual companion!
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I love this! I’m curious as to what you guys do? But I’ll just have to catch up with previous blog posts, I’m sure 🙂
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Thanks for reading, I appreciate it 😊 I teach English and my boyfriend is an illustrator and graphic designer.
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Ohhhhh! That’s awesome! Teaching abroad is definitely on my list!
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If you’re interested, I explained my teaching qualification and how I became a teacher in this post: https://thecurioussparrow.wordpress.com/2017/02/22/time-for-a-change/
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[…] is our dream, our plan…. but it’s not easy. I have already written about the sacrifices one makes when living away from their home country, from their family and oldest friends. It is […]
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Thank you for this honest post. My boyfriend and I have considered this lifestyle, a few years down the road though, so thank you for giving me one more thing to consider.
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Thanks for reading Renada 🙂 There are definitely downsides but for me, it is worth the sacrifices. It’s not for everyone though. Some people emigrate for years at a time, some just a year, some less than. I personally think it is something everyone should try once (as long as they can make it work financially/work-wise). You never know, you might like it or even love it 😀
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The $ part is why we are on a plan, so to speak. Want to get that part totally straightened out before we do anything drastic. We would very much like to do it at least once, even if it is only for a few months.
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I am about to abandon my career to move abroad to study. This post really hit home and I found it very helpful.
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Congratulations! How exciting. I hope you really enjoy your studies. Remember your professional experience will always be there and there will be jobs to return to one day, if you want. This international experience will bring you lots of new skills you might not have picked up otherwise. 🙂
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Wow thanks for the advice, it’s good to have this to remember when things get tough ☺️
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Life is all about choices, weighing all the pros and cons and sounds like you know what you want for now. You bring up good points to think about for those off us toying with the idea of living abroad!
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Thanks for reading! 🙂
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What an awesome article! I agree with everything you said, after moving to Dubai!
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Thanks Gabby! What is it like living in Dubai?
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Interesting read. I totally agree with you, moving overseas is all about compromises, you miss out on so many things back home but at the same time there are so many new interesting experiences and adventures in your new country waiting for you to get on.
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I definitely agree, some losses but hopefully more to be gained!
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I feel you. I also moved abroad. We also dream of having a house one day. But with the real estate prices in Barcelona I guess it will stay a dream haha
Thanks for sharing!
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Thanks for reading! I hope you get your Barcelona casa one day 🙂
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[…] based on societal pressure & expectations. The lifestyle we’ve chosen is not without its fair share of sacrifices and there are still times when I feel anxious about the future, or experience envy. Fortunately […]
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